Who are you Following?

Just last night while talking with a friend of mine who we will name S(S is one of my friends who is a Superstar), I noticed that S said, "My classmates are only writing about three or four sentences for their response." I did not notice anything out of the ordinary immediately. Nothing about that conversation immediately caught my attention until the next morning upon waking.  I woke up and made a startling realization: it occurred to me that my friend S was comparing herself to others. Now while there is nothing inherently wrong with comparing oneself to others, I  do want to point out that students who only write three or four sentences might not be adequate models. This led me to call S early the next day to ask her a few questions and to share with her the insight that I had gained:

Me: Hi "S"! (Spoken enthusiastically in a manner all my friends are familiar with.) I am sorry for calling you so early but I needed to let you know something very important about our conversation last night.

S: What is it? Was it something related to the assignment that I submitted? 

Me: No, no.... ( a brief pause and silence). No, it is much more important and had to do with something you said. 

S: What did I say? 

Me: You said.... ( pause), you said, "My classmates were only writing three or four sentences each..." 

S: Yeah, well I just wanted to write a response .... 

Me: (Interrupting S slightly.) I know S, I know, but that is not what I wanted to  point out.... What I wanted to point out was that you were comparing yourself to others. You were comparing yourself to people who might not have the same goals, dreams, aspirations, motivations, and things to move forward to as you do. 

S: Oh....(spoken in a manner that communicated understanding)

See, S is one of the people who I know who is successful, aggressive, driven, exciting to be around, fun, and just all around awesome: in short, she is a Star. But at this moment I realized that she had casually and without thinking about it compared herself to other people. I realized that this is a habit we have to be conscious of, we have to make a decision to choose to realize when we are comparing ourselves to others and ask ourselves if they are the people who we want to compare ourselves against.

This led me to some insights that I would like to not only share with S, but also with my readers her on my blog.  I have thought of three questions that we all can benefit from asking ourselves.

"Who am I comparing myself to?"  

"Why am I comparing myself to them?" 

"Who are my models?" 

"Who or what am I aspiring to be?" 

One of the first things that I realized is that if you are not aspiring high enough, you are going to limit your own potential. If you are comparing yourself to someone who is unsuccessful, your comparison is not going to give you any useful information on how to be successful. If your goal is to be a better archer, for example, are you going to imitate an archer who is poor or a championship archer? If you want  to become rich, are you going to imitate, listen to, or give credence to one who is poor, or are you going to seek out the stories of those who became rich and ask: "How did you/they become rich?" In other words, if you want effect A, you need to seek out those people who have manifested effect A, and find out how they did it, and then you just do as they did. 

Furthermore, while we are aspiring to something, we might as well aspire to greatness. We only have one life to live and for the most part have every skill necessary to achieve the dreams that we want out of life. We only need to be willing to do those activities that will cause those dreams to be realized. Oftentimes, however, we allow people who are not on a similar path as us to lead us astray from those goals, dreams, and desires that we want. So thinking further, I realized that we need to ask ourselves the following question: 

"What could I improve about myself right now could have the biggest positive impact on my life?" 

The answer to this question allows for us to identify  activity that will get us closer to our goal, whatever that goal is. We must pursue that activity fully and with passion so that we may realize the positive benefits that this improvement will cause. 

This very directed act of consciously looking at one's weaknesses with the goal of improving oneself is one that has been followed throughout history. Newton, one of the most brilliant persons to ever walk this planet is often quoted as having said: 

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. 

It strikes me as stating what I am hinting at strongly in this piece. If you want to do something, then you probably want to do it well. At that point, why not imitate those who are the very very best. Why not imitate the masters? Furthermore, if Newton stood on the shoulders of giants, why should we feel too cool to do the same? Another example of an individual engaging in this kind of activity, of seeking out those who have achieved success and then trying to find out the root cause, is Napoleon Hill. Napoleon Hill wrote a book Think and Grow Rich By Hill, Napoleon (Google Affiliate Ad) in which he lays down the  principles of success that he learned by interviewing many people who were the absolute pinnacles of success in his day. People like Andrew Carnegie who was undoubtedly one of the richest men ever were among those he interviewed. This book went on to become a classic because it provides one with a road map for thinking the way that those successful people thought, and in so doing allow oneself to prepare oneself psychologically for success. 

Therefore, if I am going to compare myself to someone, I want to compare myself with someone which it will benefit me to compare myself to. I want to imitate those people who are having success, whatever success means to me. For me, I want to learn how to acquire those habits that lead to  the goals and dreams that I have in my mind.  In so acquiring those habits, I will be able to get the results that I want. As stated once in a Disney commercial I became very fond of: 

Great minds think for themselves. 

I want to think for myself. I want to be that person who is able to see without the lenses of interpretation and preconceived notions obstructing the view. I want to look at my own internal model of who it is that I want to be, of who it is that I was born to be, of what my innermost dreams are, and it is to that ideal, it is to that Form which I want to compare my external self. I want to see the living breathing people who have achieved those aspects and I want to take them on as my personal role models.  I refuse to allow anyone else's activities to capture my attention, unless that attention that I invest in them will allow me to get closer to my goals and dreams, my inner vision! In short, rather than be a mirror for those around me, I should be a mirror for my inner vision, my inner model of myself, the ideal Form that captures all my aspirations, dreams, desires, and hopes.

In conclusion, I am so grateful for the conversation that S and I had that allowed me to realize the need to consciously be aware of the desire to compare myself with others. This allowed me to remember and appreciate that I have to compare my goals and desires with those who are around me before I attach value to the  comparisons that might be made between us. I need to realize that this way I can focus only on those comparisons that lead to my improvement, and treat all other comparisons as insignificant.